Perth

2012 Sculptures by the Sea, Cottesloe, WA

After living in the East for 16 years Firegazer, Blossom, PL, two cats, two cars, too many boxes of stuff and I have moved back to Perth.  It's a topical place what with Gina squabbling with her children and Eastern States journos squealing about the lack of taxis.

Some things haven't changed (good, bad and ugly) in 16 years:

• Magnificent beaches with FREE all-day parking (read that and weep Sydney-siders)
• Proper hot weather with low humidity
• Fish'n'Chips wrapped in large swathes of butcher's paper, sprayed in vinegar
• Sunsets over the beach.  If you have no other reason to visit, this is sufficient.
• Draconian retail laws that dictate that I must spend quality time with my family on a Sunday.
• A complete disregard for all things from the East, except for shoes or coffee from/in Melbourne which seem to be okay.
• Perthonalities.  When you live so far from anywhere its hard to attract real celebrities so we make up our own.
• Telethon.  The only state who still holds a 24 hour telethon.  Perth didn't get the memo about this one.
• Laid back pace.  I spent the first two weeks bumping into people in the street I was so out of step with the vibe.  You really need to chill when you come here.
• Casual dress code.  School cocktail party?  Shorts, thongs and t-shirt completely fine.  Fine dining?  Replace thongs with covered shoes.  The guy sitting next to you in a suit won't even blink an eye.
• Down South.  Everyone goes, every holidays.  More people, more development but once you are on the beach it's essentially the same.
• Nicknames.  Everyone is Robbo, Johnno, and Warbo or their variations Robbie, Johnnie and Warby.  Even at work.  Especially at work.  Even in posh offices.
• Rotto.  Even the holiday destinations have nicknames.  Rottnest is still top of the pops.  Just more expensive for a basic hut and BYO sheets.  Still one of the best holiday places EVA.
• Short sleeved business shirts.  Not as common as 16 years ago but I drove past an Engineering association's offices at lunch time a couple of weeks back and was confronted by a sea of bearded men wearing short sleeved shirts with pens in the top pockets.  I was glad to be spared shorts with long socks.
• The North/South divide.  Just like Sydney. No one crosses the bridge unless they have to.
• Disregard for laws.  Bike helmets? optional. 
• You can park on verges.  And in driveways (as long as you don't park on the footpath).

But some things have changed:

• Traffic.  OMG.  I was looking forward to the lack of traffic in Perth.  But no - the population has boomed but the infrastructure has stayed the same.  Perth really could do with a tunnel or three.
• Sharks.  We had sharks back in the day, we just didn't go on about them - except to our Eastern States friends to show how tough we are.  Now sharks are the in thing.  Our media just love it when they eat one of our own.  Or preferably a visitor from Sydney.
• Bali.  Bali is now a northern suburb of Perth in habited by CUBs (Cashed Up Bogans) on the swing shift from their FIFO (fly in fly out) jobs in the resources industry.
• Rotto.  Rottnest Island is still a favourite destination but you have to win a ballot to get a place to stay in peak times and it's cheaper to go to Bali.
• Tattoos.  I feel like one of the few people in Perth without a full or half-sleeve tattoo.  You get them on the cheap in Bali.
• Medical tourism.  Want a boob job?  Go to Thailand.  Why not go with the girls for a fun week away and have the whole body done over?
• Taxis.  Forget it.  There aren't enough. Ever.  The Taxi board has just been granted 300 more licences but with the resources boom sucking up labour they're not sure how to get people to drive the taxis.  Luckily the bike paths are fabulous here.  
• Airport.  Don't catch an early morning flight.  With FIFO all the rage here the airport is overcrowded every morning with the Hi-Vis shirt brigade.  
• Cost of everything.  This is not a cheap place to live.  The cost of labour has driven up the cost of food, eating out, household services and rent.  If you work in resources you'll earn the salary to match but it's a two-speed economy.  It's really best to entertain at home.
• Ties.  Only worn by lawyers and sports coaches/administrators.  Finally, we've worked out it's too bloody hot for them.

It's easy to pick on Perth, and many people do.  This is not advisable.  Perth people get very touchy about their city and you don't want to mess with a CUB who's tired after working 21x12 hour shifts in a row. 

The thing is not to compare Perth to Sydney or Melbourne but to accept Perth for itself.   If you accept Perth without making comparisons it is a sea-change paradise.  If you stop comparing you will notice all the things that the East doesn't have.  Like lack of stress, casual dress code, fab weather and gold rush feel. So, I've resolved to get with the Vibe of the place, get myself a nickname, invite people over for a BBQ and enjoy getting home from work in the daylight with enough time to ride to the beach to dodge the sharks.

So come visit, but if you're from Over East keep it quiet.  I don't want to be accused of harbouring undesirables