The Cat Post

I am fairly sure it is considered polarising or social suicide to blog about ones cats. I'd just like to point out for the record that I am not exclusively a "cat person". I do love dogs and have picked out a lovely dog I would like. However, I am waiting until my children are willing to take it for walks and to clean up its "business". Cats, for the moment, suit us because they don't require walkies and they are happy to amuse themselves. Even if that amusement is detrimental to our carpets, and sometimes our sanity.

We have two Australian Mists. These are the only Australian breed of cat and are a combination of Abyssinian, Burmese and Australian Domestic Shorthair (ie moggy).

This is Biggie. He should have been called Forrest (as in Gump) because he is not a smart cat. Handsome, loving, but a little challenged in the cranial area. He is the minion of Marble below.

This is Marble. Evil conspirator. Boss of Biggie. Like the head of any evil empire she has the ability to turn on considerable charms.

Here I show you evidence of my excellent training techniques. Biggie is not afraid of my water squirter. It think he is a little like a goldfish:

SQUIRT "Whoa, what was that?!" back to scratching the carpet

SQUIRT SQUIRT "whoa, what was that?! back to scratching the carpet.

My water squirter also has similar impact on Biggie's table-leaping and sleeping in my freshly laundered washing pile.

See this? This is the sort of device one puts on ones cupboards when one has a curious toddler. Or an Australian Mist.

Marble, the evil conspirator, is adept at leaping tall cupboards and opening low ones. This one is her favourite: the bin cupboard. She opens it then invites her minion, Biggie, to feast on the contents. We only knew Marble was the culprit because we know that Biggie is incapable of such a feat.

But then, just as I am about to put them up for sale on EBay they do this:

Like children, they're gorgeous when they're asleep.

LOLMarble

Surely you've seen the LOLcats circulating cyberspace by now? If you haven't check out here for a summary.

LOL stands for Laugh Out Loud. LOL language mimics gaming/texting language. You understand I researched this on a purely professional basis - as an emerging language it naturally of interest to a student of linguistics...

Here is my first attempt.


For LOLcats that are actually funny, check out this site.

How to tell if your heating is on

Thou Shouldst Wait a Year before Naming Your Pet

We have a tradition of pre-naming. Our children were named long before they greeted the world. It may surprise you to realise that Kelpie and Padawan Learner are not their *real names*. No, these well chosen epithets emerged only once their true characters emerged.

Likewise, we named our two cats before they were collected. By chance their names reflect their looks. Biggie is big, despite starting as the runt of the litter. Marble is, well, marble-patterned. Yawn.

Had we taken the time to assess their true natures we would've named them differently.

Biggie appears to be somewhat understaffed in the neuron department. He will stare intently at a partially open door but not push it open wide enough to get through. Not even when dinner is being offered. Suggested new name: Forrest (as in Gump: "I am not a smart cat")

Marble is quite the opposite. She has regularly 'rescued' Biggie from a cupboard and is adept at opening the door to the bin cupboard - even though we stick it shut with Blu-tack. She climbs trees and Pergolas, and last night was seen resting on top of a door (not door frame, door). Sugested new name: Houdini.

Perhaps we should sign up as members of the Slow Naming Movement. We would however not be the first. We have friends who took so long to name one of their children that the Register of Births, Deaths and Marriages rang them to give them a hurry up.